It’s ok if You’re Not ok
Just a few minutes ago I realized how good of an actress I am...not only have I been fooling everyone around but I've been fooling myself. I have been in such a dark place the last few months, it's like there's a relentless barrage of stress and uncertainty and awful things happening...and even in such crazy times my selfish butt finds a way to still feel sorry for myself and dwell on dumb weight issues so much and so hard that I just randomly cry while I'm watching a meditation exercise video for STRESS RELIEF?!??! Like what? That's not at all how that's supposed to work?! But the truth is, even if it's a selfish thing to be upset about right now, it's still what weights heaviest on top of the mountain of bad things I'm constantly worrying and stressing about and this acting like I'm good is making it worse and I'm starting to really see that now. I've been doing it for so long though, pretty much my whole life that I don't know how to stop, (not being stressed and upset my whole life just always acting like I'm super good when I'm not) but I have to let it be ok to be sad sometimes because keeping it in is going to kill me.
Everything that's been going on and that's going on now is enough to truly shake anyone to their core. We need to accept that's it's ok to not be ok all the time. There's no need to pretend things are great when they're not, so stop.