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Conspiracy Theory About Running Wild with Bear Grylls

I’m not usually impressed with conspiracy theories. Conspiracy-minded folk run the gamut from simpletons who’d never bothered to look at the sky before 2002 to, quite possibly, the worst human beings in America. I’m anywhere from “amused” to “revolted” by most conspiracy theories.

But, paradoxically, I love hearing about any new ones. This is one I’ve come up with myself and I think it might actually have some legs. The conspiracy hypothesis is:

Running Wild with Bear Grylls ISN’T really a survival show. It’s a celebrity prank show.

As evidence, take a look at the most recent episode.

If you’re not the type of person who watches videos, what you didn’t just see was Friends star Courteney Cox fishing a bloated sheep’s carcass out of a stream. What the video doesn’t show is Bear instructing Monica Geller to gather maggots from the carcass, cut the sheep’s scrotum off to use as a makeshift container and later BOIL AND EAT THE MAGGOTS!
I’m still pretty sure that David Arquette is the grossest thing Courteney Cox has ever had in her mouth but if you feel like seeing that, here’s the whole episode.
Here’s where my theory comes in. If you invited celebrities to go on TV to eat disgusting things Fear Factor-style, you’d probably have very few takers. Here’s how I imagine that booking call might go.COX REP: What is the show you’d like Ms. Cox to guest star on.

NETWORK REP: It’s a show where we invite celebrities on and make them eat things like maggots inside sheep testi…

COX REP: CLICK

NETWORK REP: Hello?

All but the most Feldmanesque of celebrities would be a hard “NO” if you presented it that way. That’s why they pitch it as a “survival type show”. But, is it really? Well, in that episode posted above, they’re “surviving” in the wilds of Ireland. If you want to “survive” in modern Ireland you can probably take off walking in one direction and within 2 miles you’ll probably hit a pub without having to eat a single ball-sack maggot.

The thing that makes it a “prank” show is that the celebrities think they’re doing something that might actually help someone in a life or death situation. WRONG! Jokes on you, dumb celebs! You’ve just eaten the pus out of a dead coyote’s ear and it’s never going to save a single life!! HA HA! In the olden days of TV you’d humiliate a star by throwing a pie in their face. In 2016, you get them to eat a scorpion boiled in elk snot. Truly, we are living in the golden age of television.

I’m expecting a big reveal show where Bear Gylls reveals that not only is he not a real bear, but all his “survival tips” were concocted by two writers taking turns doing hits of blotter acid.

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