Somebody Call an Ambulance, Tawny the Rock Chick’s Going to Need Stitches.. Again!
Yesterday, I was reminded of the deep depths at which the level of “Hot Mess” runs inside me. Know that as I go about my life, I should live in daily fear of a variety of predictable unfortunate events. However, the true blonde in me does not allow for such a cautionary train of thought to exist.
Here’s the deal people. I am blonde and I’m not just saying I have blonde hair. Think in your head what you would consider a typical blonde to be, pretty much you got it. I am dangerously clumsy. The kind of clumsy that causes me bodily harm on a daily basis. It’s a wonder I’m not missing a limb. I’m riddled up with ADD, and that’s not me using a commonly recognizable disease to dramatize my explanation of what a steaming hot mess I am. That’s me giving you the same information my doctor and pharmacist are already well aware of, diagnosed ADD.
Scatter brained on a level at which no mortal man will ever comprehend. I can see you in the morning, come back from lunch and think whatever conversation we had was from last week and I might even argue you with you that it was. I can procrastinate like it were an Olympic sport if I could ever manage to get around to it.
I thought it might be fun to go through my “Hot Mess” resume. Use this list whenever you have a bad day. That way you can say “Well, at least I didn’t…” and then point to anything on the list.
I suppose we can start with yesterday.
The dogs have been getting out because of holes in a very old fence, so I thought I’d get some sun and make some repairs, what’s the harm in that right? Keep in mind these things all happened in the span of about 2 hours.
Coming in the back to get a water and guess I was swinging my arms with such fervor I hit my hand on the deep freeze so hard it bled. Pretty cool today though, makes me look like a brawler.
As I was trying to pry nails out of wood, and having a very difficult time doing it, I thought it would be the greatest idea ever to use another piece of wood and swing it in a bat kind of way to hit the end of the hammer and get the nails out. The hammer fell over many times and I swung hard enough to hit myself at least three times
Somehow a box of wood staples got strewn about the back yard and I in my flip flops (cause that’s totally what you wear to make repairs on a fence) stepped on some, putting holes in my sandals and the bottom of my feet…and not just once but twice, cause picking them up would make way too much sense.
I stood in an ant bed resulting in the most entertaining “Ouch. Ew. Eet em off me” dance the world has ever not seen, thank goodness.
A friend (yes a boy) came over with the thoughtful intentions of helping slash, making me stop so I didn’t get hurt and kindly informed me that my boobs were hanging out in a very visible way and I had previously been to the neighbor’s house, talking to people who stopped to say hello, signing off for a package from UPS.
I stubbed my toe on dirt. Yes, you read that correctly. I stubbed my toe on dirt.
After eventually giving up on my highly unpromising career in handy mannery, I came inside and snagged my shorts on the strike plate of the bathroom door ripping a hole in my butt….nice.
Later in the evening, a joke was being made by my dear friend that he ended up having to slowly explain to me, kind of how you would explain something to a 6-year-old.
I’m going to go ahead and stop right there. This is just part one The next time we visit this topic, I will be sure to list the general points of hot messidness so that you can print them out and pin them up somewhere for those days you think you really have it bad, you can close your eyes and point at anything on the list and I guarantee you’ll feel much better.
Oh, and you’re welcome.