I know it’s coming

This isn’t a part of the 365 Days of Texas True Crime series that we’re in right now but I wanted to take a moment to write this.

I know Father’s Day is almost here.  I’ve been trying not to think about it and in doing so I hope I haven’t hurt anyone’s feelings or made anyone else feel like they aren’t important on this day because they are, very much.  All daddy’s are very important and they all deserve to be shown and told how much we love and appreciate them.  Christopher Brown is a very important dad and we love him very much and I hope he knows how much he means to his family.

I’m not going to try and put on like everything ok and normal either though.  I’m not going to try and act like I’m strong because I’m not.  It’s going to be so damn hard to face this first Father’s Day without my daddy but more than that I’m worried about my baby brother and my momma.  I hope and pray that we can, at the very least, find comfort in each other and not give up on growing our hearts bigger to make room for the grief that never gets any smaller.  To anyone who is in a similar place in their lives I want to say that I hope you know it’s ok to cry and be sad and be broken.  If you’ve lost your daddy whether it was recent or a long time ago, it hurts the same.  Father’s Day will be hard for us.  I miss him, I miss him so much.  I would give anything to do and say so many things and I’m sure you would to but we cant dwell forever on the things we have no control over.  My daddy would really lay into us for being upset and sad and crying…I know he would want his family to rub some dirt in it and move on.  We’re gonna try daddy, but a big man left big holes, and it’s going to take a while to fill them.  My daddy wasn’t very emotional with us.  He always had this tough, calm, in control demeanor, always had a fix, or a solution.  I only saw him cry once in my whole life and that was when his momma died, that killed me too (weird fact, his momma, my grama, died on her birthday and was buried on mine…it was tough).  Yes he cried when she died but not for anything else after that, at least that I saw.  He never got sappy or upset in front of anyone, never opened up too much with anyone, and at the end he told me that he regretted that so much, and I know he meant it, I could hear the regret in his voice, it was so painful.

If you’re reading this and you’re a daddy, please let me give you some advice that I promise you’ll be glad you took.

It’s ok to be strong for your family.  It’s ok to try and set a good example for your children as to what a good daddy, a good man should be.  Daddy’s should be strong and reliable and resilient, but don’t be closed when it comes to the emotions your family deserves from you.  Don’t try to do everything on your own.  Don’t try to shield them from everything, sure some things, but not everything.  If you miss them, tell them, and tell them and tell them.  Sit down and tell them how proud you are of them and how much you love them.  Don’t be too embarrassed or too macho to do that, and do it often.  Tell them they can always come to you if they need anything because you’ll always be there for them.  Open up to your family.  Share your life with them.  You won’t regret it.

If you’re reading this and you have a daddy to celebrate Father’s Day with please, please, don’t take them for granted.  Spend time with him, learn from him, ask him about his childhood and how he met your momma, talk with him and tell him how much he means to you, even if you think he already knows and he probably does, do it anyway.  Tell him he’s the best daddy anyone could have, make sure he knows how important he is.  Do me one more favor, don’t skip on the hugs.  Hugs hello, hugs goodbye, hugs for no reason, don’t be stingy with the hugs.  I’d give anything for a Wayne Blair daddy bear hug this Sunday.  I’d give anything to see him walk through my door and say “Hey kiddo…” just to hear his voice again….

Don’t your daddy’s for granted, not just this Sunday but on any day.  If you’re the daddy, open up to your kids, to your family, tell them you love them, tell them all the time.  Celebrate this Sunday together, makes memories, take pictures, stay too long and hug too hard.

Hug your daddy one extra time when you see him this weekend, tell him that one was for me, and all the other kids who don’t have a daddy to hug on Father’s Day.

I love you daddy, Happy Heavenly Father’s Day.