That's it. I win. My dog is the best dog that ever dogged. Your dog isn't. Thank you for playing. There's a consolation prize and pizza on your way out. I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!

Just look at him. There sits the most majestic and glorious sausage of a dog that ever was. This boy goods, on the same level that Chuck Norris, Chuck Norrises. This boy is so good, when you ask him to sit, he'll throw in a shake just for good measure. When you ask him to shake, he instantly invents a super intricate secret best friends hand shake that only the two of you know. This boy is so good, when you give him a treat, he gives you back change. This boy is so good, when you ask him to roll over, he brings you the morning paper on his way back. He's so good, when you tell him to speak, he recites the declaration of independence. This boy is so good, if he were a seeing eye dog, it would cure blindness...retroactively. Helen Keller would no longer be a historic figure because his goodness would reach back in time and history would show that she was just a normal sighted person. He's such a good boy, when Lassie came back with help after Timmy fell down the well, they found my dog already sitting with Timmy beside the well helping him with his math homework. Rin Tin Tin has posters of my dog in his doghouse. When my dog pees on a fire hydrant, it puts Smokey the Bear out of a job because every forest fire around the world instantly fizzles out. When my dog begs, 30 cents a day automatically goes to all the starving kids in other countries. When he fetches a ball, he brings back the cure for Covid. This boy is so good, he can bark in seven different languages. This boy is so good, when you whistle at him, The Harlem Globe Trotters start playing basketball (you'll probably have to think about that one for a sec lol). This dog, is what Willis was talking about.

As you can see from the examples given, your dog just can't compete with the greatness of this fine specimen. Snoop, aka Snooper, aka Snooper D. Poops, aka Snoopious Maximus, is the goodest of boys.

More From The Basin's Classic Rock