Stupid Criminals: A Man Ejaculates in Co-worker’s Coffee to Get Her to Notice Him

In this edition of Stupid Criminals we are re-naming this one Gross Stupid Criminals.

According to The Smoking Gun, 34-year-old John Lind works at a hardware store in New Brighton, Minnesota, and he wanted a female coworker to notice him.

Apparently John's strategy for getting her to notice him was to sneak over to her workspace while she was away and masturbate and climax in her coffee.

But the woman caught him in the act last week.  She says she caught him standing over her desk with his hands, "near his genitals" and he had a, "deer in the headlights look."

Then she smelled something weird in her coffee, and told the cops it wasn't the first time she'd had that problem.  Before, she just thought it was spoiled milk, but when she caught John, she realized what it really was.

John was arrested for two counts of felony sexual conduct.

He told the cops he knew it was, "gross and wrong," but he was attracted to the woman, he wanted her to notice him, and it was a, "sexual compulsion" he couldn't control.