50 Shades of HORRIBLE! My Review of Fifty Shades of Grey

Well its official, I am the only female on the planet that thinks 50 Shades of Grey is the worst movie ever made and the book has to be twice as bad.

Where do I begin?  The whole premise of this entire book made movie makes me sick to my stomach.  Putting aside the fact that the plot was about as ridiculous as a pair of clown shoes, the acting was almost on par with Sharknado.

I mean seriously? Am I the only person that noticed that this movie and Twilight are the same movie?  No really....the same movie.

The main character is suppose to be this crazy hot rich dude that basically no woman could resist and instead he looks more like some barely legal frat boy, not to say barely legal frat boys don't have their draws.

Lets go back to the plot.  Is that what normal women fantasize about?  Losing their virginity to a man that's had sex with more women than all the 80's hair bands combined?  And not just regular run of the mill sex, were talking super creepy (again) barely legal sex.

This kind of sex has things like safe words in order to insure that once one person becomes too uncomfortable, and I say "too" uncomfortable because its all generally uncomfortable, the safe word isn't for the moment when something is simply not something your down with, its for when one person has withstood all they can withstand and is begging to be released from their pain....I mean that's pretty much the worst kind of sex I can imagine.

So the plot, it centers around a man who gets off on hurting and bossing around his lady friend, whom he demands unrealistic sexual encounters from and is unwilling to take on dates or connect emotionally with....and how is that any different than 90% of married couples on the planet?

Ladies when did we turn back the dial to 1935?  I just don't get off on the thought of a man, hot or not, telling me how much to drink, what to wear, when to eat, what to like....I mean come on really?

Let me tell you what I should write a book about and I promise it will be so fantastical and steamy that you not only would you be reeling for more but unlike this fairly unrealistic set of circumstances you'd know for sure there's no way a story like mine could every happen in real life...you ready?

A man meets a woman, treats her like a princess, is loyal, takes care of her, loves her unconditionally and satisfies her every sexual desire to the fullest with no expectation or reciprocation....see, pretty sexy right?  I'm getting hot just thinking about it. Somebody write a sexually explicit book about that and I'll read that sucker in under the covers if ya know what I mean.

As for the female co-star, eh...naked scenes are only good when the person naked is either someone you want to look like naked or someone you want to do things with naked....and she was neither.

And that's all I have to say about that.