These Emails From the World’s Most Demanding Bride Are a Must-Read [FBHW]
The concept of a “Bridezilla” has been taken to a whole new level.
A series of emails written by a bride-to-be to her bridesmaids (and shared by one of the bridesmaids) will have you shaking your head in utter disbelief.
The bride lays out some crazy ground rules and then tries to show a sense of humor, but, really, comes across as the kind of desperate lady who all the guys hide see and hide in the bathroom when it’s their time to chat with her during a speed dating event.
From her obsession with everyone’s weight to her completely unforgiving stance on her bridesmaids’ hair to her need to call herself “The Queen Bee,” it’s clear the man who exchanged “I dos” with her has his work cut out for himself. Yes, they actually did get married.
Here are just a couple of the guidelines the woman spelled out for her bridesmaids (the bold is her work, by the way):
No-one can be skinner than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out “maids,” which brings me to my next point.
All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
Speeches: We all know what happened at Taylor’s wedding. So if you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
Hair cuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
Because things rarely going according to plan when putting on a wedding, the bride had to drop the hammer when her bridesmaids didn’t follow her words to a T:
I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.
Kudos to Chelsea for asking permission to cut her hair, unfortunately, her request is DENIED.
We will begin weekly weigh-ins on January 17th. I will be sending over the form for everyone to fill out and submit with a picture of the scale shortly.
Lastly, I am looking into bridesmaid rhinestone bikinis and I am open to color suggestions from everyone but Miss Holly because I have already chosen a customizable bikini for her, see below.
Miss Chelsea from this point on is on bridal party probation. I hope that everyone understands the severity of breaking any of the aforementioned rules and that defectors will not be treated lightly.
I hope everyone is doing well. Also, there will be a prize to the most obedient wedding bee Kinda like an incentive.
I hope everyone is on a water and rice cake diet from this point forward. I would also appreciate it if everyone incorporated arm workouts into their daily routine.
After reading this, we can only offer our deepest condolences to whoever is tasked with putting together her baby shower when the time comes.