Thoughts From the Satellite: 5 Things Every Man Should Have in His Wallet

Whether you have one of those Velcro jobs that has a KISS logo on it, one fashioned from duct tape or a leather one, every man should have a wallet.  Now, not every man uses a wallet, but that's a story for another day.  And just because you're a guy doesn't mean you don't have things you need to carry around.  Having too much stuff is not exclusive to women.  Some guys have even lowered themselves to carrying a man purse. But, for all of us who don't enjoy ridicule and/or an occasional ass-whoopin' we're stuck with our little leather pouch and it should have a sufficient amount of room for some essentials.  Here's the list:

5.  A Lawyer's Phone Number- Shit happens and if you're like some of our KBAT employees, shit happens often.  I know you think you're a legal expert because you watch Law & Order or you followed Tom Brady's Deflategate trial closely, but you're not.  There's gonna be some situations that'll be beyond your grasp and understanding of the legal system, like a car accident, a property dispute or maybe a "Hey, I didn't tie up and gag that girl in my trunk" situation.  So, unless you want to wear that orange jumpsuit and share a toilet with a few other dudes for the night, have the number.

4.  Twenty Bucks- Depending on who you are, this amount could be different.  If you're just a regular ol' guy like me, $20 is good.  If you're Bill Gates, well $20 won't do you much good in any situation, you probably need more.  But the point is, everyone should have a little cabbage in their wallet.  You never know when you might need to grease the hand of a bouncer or maybe some cab fare or even a donation to the Ciudad Juarez Policia in order to secure your freedom.

3.  A Credit Card- For emergencies, right?  You never know what unforeseen circumstances might arise and that small amount a cash that you have ain't gonna get you out of this one.  That doesn't mean go buy an XBOX or tickets to a Luke Bryan show to impress some chick. It's just for emergencies, man!  And plus, Luke Bryan is a douchebag.

2.  A Phone Number For Bail Money- Sure you probably know your parent's number and your best friend's.  Hell, you probably remember the number of that chick that you called and hung up on like 200 f*ckin' times in high school because you were too big of an ass-hat to talk to her.  But, you've had 15 Jager Bombs and if you remember correctly, you did swallow that molly that you bought from the guy in the bathroom.  Now the cops have picked you up from the alley behind the bar, without your pants, covered in your own feces, snuggling some homeless dude and his dog.  Do you remember those phone numbers now?

1.  A Picture I.D.- Everyone probably has some sort of identification.  Some people even have more than one kind.  You might have an I.D. that says you're a student so you can score some discounts at Subway or something.  Or maybe you've got one that says that you're actually 65, so you can score some discounts at Luby's or something.  Maybe you're trying to look cool and you've got an I.D. that says you're from Texas when you're really from Oklahoma.  Whatever the case may be, have some I.D.