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So It Turns Out Buzz Adams Might Be a Hoarder

Hoarder Home In California
Getty Images

Ugh. This is why I try to avoid Buzzfeed articles. They do these survey that use uncertain methodology and render scientifically meaningless results. But they succeed in making me think I’m abnormal.

Like this one they had recently about what kind of hoarder behavior people engage in . Thanks, Buzzfeed. Now I think I might be a hoarder. Here are some of the questions they asked, how people responded and my rationale of why I’m not a hoarder.

How many pairs of jeans to you have? 35% of people have more than five.

I have more than twenty. But they’re of all different sizes, ranging from a 32 waist to…well, it’s none of you business what they go up to. And I don’t give them to Goodwill or put them in a garage sale because….(sigh)…because I’m still telling myself I’m going to lose weight someday.

Biker Texts While Running From Police
Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images

Do you save your old cell phone? 42% do, 58% don’t.

Well…I don’t throw them away. I don’t really consider it “saving” them. I just can’t bring myself to toss out something that I once paid hundreds of dollars for.

Do you still have CDs? 63% say yes.

Y’know…about 25 years ago I got rid of all my vinyl LPs. And I had a lot of vinyl. I think I sold most of them in a garage sale for 10 cents apiece. Now, in 2017, vinyl is back in. Who would’ve guessed? I’m not making the same mistake with my thousands of CDs.

Warner Bros.
Warner Bros.

Do you still have DVDs? 51% have more than 20.

I’ve only kept every DVD I’ve ever owned. I’ve probably got 300 DVD’s. Mostly the covers are empty or have the wrong DVD inside. I think I might need help.

Do you still have VHS tapes? 46% do.

Fine! I’m a hoarder! Is that what you want to hear, Buzzfeed? I’m sure you feel soooo superior to me know. It’s not like I have a flattened cat carcass under a five foot stack of Maxim magazines! Anymore!

Do you have a bunch of cords but you’re not sure what they connect to? 56% do.

So. Many. Cords. Every drawer in my house has multiple cords. Do I even have the things that these cords go to? Based on my newly embraced hoarder identity, I probably do.

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