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Irish Newspaper Lists American Foods They Would Never Eat — And It’s Our Most Delicious Stuff

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The Irish newspaper The Daily Edge put together a list of food that’s popular in America that they find disgusting. The article was actually titled “27 Foods Americans Eat that We Would Never Touch.”

Some of the “American” foods are actually Canadian (poutine) some are only popular regionally in the U.S. (grits) and some of them I actually agree on (sorry, Hawaiian Pizza lovers). I’ve decided to focus only on the ones that are egregiously and blatantly wrong.


What they say:

This ones not even a pie, but they insist on calling it that. It’s a packet of crisps with cheese and chilli thrown on top. Imagine we mixed up King crisps and peanuts in the pub and called it a King crisp pie. Wouldn’t happen.

What I say: It’s not like we randomly put potato chips (what bog trotters call “crisps”) on Frito Pie. It’s a specific kind of chip. Fritos…since, you know, it’s called a Frito Pie. And it’s fricking delicious. I don’t eat Frito Pie much anymore because I’m a grown-up but when I was in fourth and fifth grade Frito Pie Day was the bomb at the cafeteria.


What they say:

If you even watched just five minutes of American TV as a child, you’ve probably wondered what the hell a sloppy Joe was. It’s still not totally clear but it just looks like a mince sandwich.

What I say: You know what looks like a mince sandwich? Your stupid Riverdance, that’s what. Michael Flatley minces around while sandwiched between two other guys wearing leotards and floofy blouses.


What they say:

If these were anything special, we’d have them here by now.

What I Say: Yeah, I also find it surprising that of the 9,000,000 different ways to prepare potatoes the Irish never figured out how to “tot” them. Tater tots freaking rule, for the record.  Think of what you’re missing, Paddy. You could just take a handful of tater tots, down them with a bottle of whiskey and voila! An Irish seven-course meal.


What they say:

This tastes exactly like cough medicine. Not very refreshing at all.

What I say: Granted, root beer is not my go-to when I’m craving bubbly sugar-water. I’m from Texas so it’s Dr. Pepper all the way. However, root beer does not taste like cough syrup. And when you want to make a delicious ice cream float, Pepsi, Coke and, yes, even my beloved DP does not hold a candle to good old-fashioned root beer.


What they say:

That looks extremely unappetising.

What I say: Well, that’s why they say looks can be deceiving, Shamus. You know what really looks unappetizing? A potato famine.

One final question: how did the Irish starve during the potato famine, anyway. You’re on an island. Go fishing, genius.

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