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Amish Town of Blue Ball, PA Accepts $1 Million Offer to Become Pornhub, PA


The Amish churn their own butter, but it turns out the thing they make the best is a quick buck.

The small Amish town of Blue Ball, Pennsylvania will officially be known as Pornhub for the entire month of April in exchange for $1 million paid out by in the greatest clash of cultures involving the Amish since Harrison Ford rocked it in ‘Witness.’

While the townspeople may be inclined to get together and build a bank from scratch to protect their new fortune, it turns out residents only agreed to the proposition last month, on the condition the money be used for “sustainable farming programs, the purchase of new equipment, and infrastructure upgrades.” Sadly, there doesn’t appear to be room in the budget to buy any Gillette Fusions so men can trim their beards.

As part of the deal, the town will have new signs and a crest, as well as a website to let curious people learn about the new moniker while they laugh about how absurd this whole thing is.

Blue Ball is located in Lancaster County, which is home to a large Amish population, not to mention a bevy of sexually-explicit sounding towns, including Intercourse, Mount Joy, Lititz, Bareville, Bird-in-Hand, and Paradise.

Corey Price, VP of Pornhub, said choosing Blue Ball was a no-brainer:

“We identified many townships to work with when putting this proposal together, but we couldn’t get past the fact that is the perfect cure for blue balls. While isn’t the first company to take over a town name, this instance is likely to be the most controversial or humorous, depending which way you look at it.”

Letting a company rename a town has been done before, but granting a porn site permission to take over a religious community is like letting Washington, DC be called al-Qaeda-ville for a week.

It’s not like the Amish are ever going to find out if there’s any backlash by reading message boards or anything, so, really, more power to them, especially when you see Jebediah cruising down the dirt road at two miles an hour in his new pimped-out horse and buggy with gold chrome seats and diamond-encrusted chassis.

[Editor’s Note — What day was yesterday?]

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